At dinner last week with friends, I was asked an easy question… What have you been doing lately?
Unfortunately, I didn’t have an easy answer. What had I been doing lately?
As I thought about how to answer, I was actually asking myself a different question: Had I done anything exciting or productive lately that is worth sharing?
These friends had just told us about their recent trip to Spain, followed by their successful business trip to New York City. They are in their 60’s.
I finally mumbled something about enjoying fall in Asheville and changed the subject.
Other friends have asked similar questions. Planning any trips? Working on anything new these days?
I know that these questions aren’t meant to make me uncomfortable, but sometimes they do. I find myself feeling guilty for not doing anything important or boring for not doing anything exciting … or both.
In my late 60’s, I’m actually quite happy with my life. I am staying healthy, keeping active, enjoying my home and my canine companions, and spending time with friends. I’m also living with a fabulous husband who enjoys the things I enjoy, including music, good food and great wine.
But I’m not doing anything especially thrilling and I’m not “working” anymore, either.
I think I may find these questions uncomfortable in part because of the way I lived my life in my 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. In the mid-1970’s, I chose to pursue a business career. As I got older, a lot of my identity was tied up in achievement and success.
Remember what was happening for women in the mid 70’s? Here’s an excerpt from an article about those days:
Women as ‘Man of the Year’
Mid-decade, the women’s liberation movement had inundated America. The changes were so rampant that TIME awarded its “Man of the Year” in 1975 to “American women.” Their article “Great Changes, New Chances, Tough Choices” from January 5, 1976, reads:
“They have arrived like a new immigrant wave in male America. They may be cops, judges, military officers, telephone linemen, cab drivers, pipefitters, editors, business executives — or mothers and housewives, but not quite the same subordinate creatures they were before. Across the broad range of American life, from suburban tract houses to state legislatures, from church pulpits to Army barracks, women’s lives are profoundly changing, and with them, the traditional relationships between the sexes. …1975 was not so much the Year of the Woman as the Year of the Women — an immense variety of women altering their lives, entering new fields, functioning with a new sense of identity, integrity and confidence.”
That was me.
When I started my own company at the age of 44, it was a continuation of my career drive.
I was busy, busy, busy… all the way through my 50’s: Traveling for business and pleasure, meeting with clients, presenting at conferences, heading up an industry association and more. It was quite easy to answer the question… “what have you been doing lately?”
Then, I gradually pulled back from the business in my early 60’s and worked on becoming “retired”.
Another reason I may be feeling like a boring person these days is that many well-known people in their 60’s … and even into their 70’s and 80’s … are doing things that are interesting, exciting and in the headlines.
We have a 71 year old president and the woman who ran against him is 70. Tony Bennett is still performing at age 91. Women in their 60’s and beyond are still going strong in the entertainment and business fields: Helen Mirren (71; actress), Annie Leibovitz (67-photographer), Jane Goodall (83-animal expert), and Christie Brinkley (63 – business women) to name just a few.
And then there are some of my friends. My same-aged blog partner, Patty, is launching an online coaching product. Another friend – age 60 – is starting a fashion design company. Another is consulting with owners of start-up businesses. And another is writing a memoir and taking horse riding lessons.
And here I am at dinner with friends being asked what I’ve been doing lately.
So, do I want to live my life differently?
Apparently not, or I would be living my life differently, or so the motivational gurus tell us.
I could, of course, change my mind and design a new app, learn to sky dive, become a business consultant or open a new brewery (I live in Asheville, after all).
Or, I could just come up with a way to answer the “what have you been doing lately?” question truthfully, without guilt or embarrassment.
Maybe something like this:
I’ve been living a great life and enjoying every minute. How about you?
What do you think? Will that work? Or should I sign up for some sky diving lessons?